By Grant Davies
You know how everyone is running all over town or “web town” trying to find that last minute gift for that special someone but just can’t find it? Well, that’s me usually and this year is no different. And I just remembered that those of you who read this stuff are special to me and I forgot to get you a gift. Doesn’t that make you feel special?
So what do I do when that happens? I do the same thing as you probably do. I go look through stuff I have gotten for a Christmas past to see if I can get away with re-gifting it. It works pretty well for a bottle of John Jamesons that’s unopened but not quite so well for stories you have already written. But I’m going to try that anyway since I’m too lazy to write a new story and I’m fresh out of ideas.
Some of you may remember reading the following story from a few years ago, but I have a lot of older readers who are losing their memory as fast as I am so I might be able to slip it by them. There are quite a few new readers so what do they know about the history of this history news letter? Easy peasy.
So I’ll re-wrap the present a bit with different paper and and a new publisher this year and email it out to your virtual stocking. You don’t even have to leave me a virtual cookie and glass of milk on the table by the fireplace. If you hate the story just pretend this pretend gift is a pretend piece of coal in your pretend stocking. I’m only a pretend writer anyway, so what the hell.
Here’s your gift.
On this day, December 21st (actually it was the 6th but I missed that train around the tree), every year, Krampus Claus is coming to a town near yours. So you better watch out.
Or as the song has it:
"You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Krampus Claus is coming to town."
Okay, there is no guy called that. I gave Krampus a last name because I wanted to. I write this nonsense, so I can do as I please.
Anyway, Krampus is a real make believe guy. As real as Santa Claus anyway. And he even has a day (okay, a night) named for him. It's called Krampusnacht. For those of you who failed German class in high school, that translates to Krampus Night.
That's the night a half-goat, half-demon sneaks into town and beats children to a pulp if he determines they have been bad. Or not good, I guess. Or if they cry or pout. He also seems to lick their head and clean the wax from their ears with his fingers, according to the picture below. And he does this while in chains, so he's pretty competent.
I'll take the beating, thank you. But that's just me.
What all this tells us is that if the worst thing that happens to you is that you find coal in your stocking or don't get that new I-Phone you have been wanting, just count yourself lucky.
One other thing, I'm pretty sure that if you don't live in Europe somewhere, this doesn't apply to you.
Merry Christmas. Thanks for reading Cheeky History.
Krampus Claus is Coming to Town
You need help Grant. Very Merry Christmas to you my old friend and to your family as well
John O’C
Merry Kiss-my-***. Whoops not nice, but seems to fit the theme of this! lol